Wednesday, August 28, 2013

5 Reasons 2013 is the Year Of Music Blackface


The line that follows that Jay-Z's lyric may be responsible for capturing the phenomenon of the America's current twerking hysteria. On a day where we celebrate 50 years of the impact Dr. King's (plagiarized) speech "I Have A Dream",  black music culture appropriation simultaneously reached a fever pitch with the twerking phenomenon. But it goes deeper than just twerking being added to the Oxford fucking dictionary.

(Oxford. The most prestigious and oldest English speaking university in the WORLD. Twerking.) 

Watching the MTV music awards this past weekend, I didn't feel like I was being entertained (except on Twitter). I felt like I was being mocked. Like an episode of The Boondocks. (Aaron McGruder, you got 7 seasons worth of material based on this weekend alone)  

I'm not one who clamors for ownership over silly things like the word "twerk", but when I see Miley Cyrus' dis-proportionately large head saying that she wants an "more black sound" and she loves "hood music" while trying to shake her back on Beetlejuice ass nigga Robin Thicke, no wonder I'm so annoyed. 

This shit is blackface. Surprised nobody has recognized it sooner. 

Quickly, blackface is basically appropriation, mocking, and exploitation of black culture in an attempt to capitalize off it. And the culprits below are more guilty of this than anybody out right now. Blackface exists in many other forms, such as The Cleveland Show or a Lisa Lampenelli stand-up routine. (God, I'm so glad Patrice O'Neal made her cry. RIP)

This is all Wale's fault, but that's not why we're here. #edges 

5 reasons why 2013 Is The Year Of Music Blackface. 

Once respectable Major News Sites Are Clearly Members Of Black Twitter Therefore Deemed Unproductive

CNN. August 25th. The top headline and story IN THE ENTIRE WORLD? 

Miley Cyrus twerking. On CN fucking N. Not the war and genocide in Syria. Not Egypt in the midst of political turmoil. MILEY CYRUS. 

After seeing that, I see ABC with a tweet: What Is Twerking? A Scientific Explanation. 

You mean the biggest news conglomerate in the U.S. is posting on their Twitter account about the origins of twerking. 

Then I saw the Huffington Post headline: WATCH AMBER ROSE TWERK LIKE A BOSS AT HER WEDDING. 

Ladies and gents: JOURNALISM!!!!

It's clear to me. News stations are now members of Black Twitter. 

Wait until FOX news follows Black Twitter and starts leading their newsbreaks with slander wars and $200 dates. CAN'T WAIT!!!


White Singers Doing Awful Impressions Of Black Soul Singer's music. White Singer Surprised When Black Singer's Family Sues Him

I've always called Robin Thicke either a bad karoake verison of Marvin Gaye or the person who absorbed or kidnapped the remains of JC Chavez. 

So, Thicke, with the help of the ageless vampire Pharrell,  has the biggest and most annoying hit of the year with "Blurred Lines" and pre-emptively decides to offer Marvin Gaye's family six-figures for...I guess...a goodwill "don't sue me bro" gesture? Naturally, Gaye's estate sues Thicke for pretty much stealing every element of Gaye's "Got To Give It Up" 

 Beforehand, Thicke attempted to sue in order to make claims that they didn't steal or sample any of Marvin's room. Then the family sued Thicke. Hell, Aailyah and Zhane have made covers of "Got To Give It Up.

Somewhere in my head, I'm picturing Thicke says "nah, we didn't steal everythinggggg. We just....uhhh....stole what we needed to make the biggest hit of my career. That's all!!" 

It's true. Word to Elvis Presley and Pat Boone.


MTV is trying to replace YOU rappers with Macklemore 

I have nothing against Macklemore. I admire and salute his hustle. Independent and went platinum. Been grindin for 10 years in Seattle's hip-hop scene. I still think he's the grown-up version of this kid in my head

I won't accuse him of appropriating and profiting black culture, but I will accuse MTV's obvious slight at the absence of real hip-hop presence at the awards show. 

The only black rappers that were in attendance was Drake (Who's half Jewish and half Teddy Bear), Kendrick Lamar (The New King Of NY) and Kanye (who isn't black. He's Jesus. DUH)

Fun fact: Diddy and Jay-Z actually boycotted the awards because they probably knew that MTV wasn't going to pay tribute to NYC's stamp on hip-hop. Especially...ewww...BLACK rappers. 

MTV's failure to recognize anything black is well-documented throughout the years, but MTV is clearly trolling all of us. 


Justin Timberlake is somehow R&B Jesus 

This might not end well. 

I won't sit here and tell you how incredible and amazing Justin Timberlake is, because he is. He's cool. Talented. Hard Worker. But one thing he is NOT

He is not the king of R&B or soul. He is not R&B Jesus. He's more like Pop Jesus. His music isn't R&B, and his attempts at soul (Holy Grail, That Girl, etc) are awkward attempts at best for my likings. Timbaland isn't exactly a soul producer or musician, and 90% of his production is synthesized or with his mouth. Its not a slight on either party, but I don't consider them strictly R&B.   

R&B music is dead. Its all hybrid shit, with very few artists that can do R&B music very well are deadbeats (see my last post).

Let's call JT what he is: a very talented pop megastar with elements of R&B, Soul, and Funk. 

Yes, Timberlake has the ultimate honorary black card. Yes he's beloved in our community. But before y'all make him a nigga, just understand the type of music that he makes. 

(Also, I suggest Allen Stone or Mayer Hathrowne if you're trying to fill that white soul boy quota on your iTunes)

Miley Cyrus making the fatal white person mistake of confusing being cool and edgy with acting "black"


I'm not going to go too deep into this one. You see it happening. You've probably seen this happen in high school. I don't have to comment on how Miley asked for a more "urban, hood" vibe on her new album. Or the fact that the new album is aptly named "Bangerz." Or the fact she has a song with Justin Beiber called "Twerk." You see it happening. Miley probably sees this as an opportunity to break free of the "Hannah Montana" days and create a new identity for herself. 

Problem is, in Hannah Montana, we were laughing because she was pretending. 

We're doing the exact same thing now

In about 3 alive Miley Cyrus

Dictated, not read


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