Spades And NFL QBs; Where Does Your QB Rank?

If there's anything the NFL loves more than hypocrisy, overreacting, and Papa John's pizza, it is probably gambling.

Gambling is what drives point spreads, fosters an entire fantasy scenario for poor (and rich) fools to put their ESPN acumen to the test and play GM for a semester. It's gets your adrenaline going. You feel accomplished that you can properly predict a sporting event who's randomness is 2nd only to baseball. Access to that kind of weekly power can lead to high stakes, high reward as well as being the laughingstock of your fantasy league thanks to being out-dueled by a 57 year old mom-of-3 who doesn't even watch football. But I have a more interesting proposition...

Quarterbacks (QBs). The most important position in arguably any sport on the planet. A QB can be the reason why your team remains elite for decades, or the butt of all jokes. In this obsessive ratings and ranking culture, rather than subscribing to sabre-metrics culture, why not reduce our rankings to cards???!!!!! Genius. I thought of it first, foh.

So for this exercise, we are going to play Spades, except with NFL QBs. For those of you ethnically challenged people, Spades is a popular cards game that involves collecting "books" aka obtaining the winning hand. The highest ranking card wins, except for a spade. A spade can beat any other suit except another higher spade (Unless deuces are wild, which we won't use in this case). We will use 10s, Jacks, Queens, Kings, Aces, and Jokers to rank our QBs. Rookie QBs will not be evaluated.

Here goes: 2017 QB Blackjack Rankings!!

10s 

Tyrod Taylor (Buffalo Bills)-  Former Hokie Tyrod Taylor is an interesting case. You're not sure 3 years into his career if he can win your team games or lose them. Despite his talent, and relatively stable supporting cast, You can win a few hands if you play your cards right. 10 Of Clubs

Jameis Winston (Tampa Bay Buccaneers) - Famous Jameis on paper has all the arm talent and leadership qualities Donald Trump would bigly kill for. It's been about 3 years, the Bucs are inconsistent, and the jury is still out on his ability to become an elite QB. There's no questioning his will to win. Moreso how he wins. 10 Of Hearts

Marcus Mariota (Tennessee Titans) - Jameis' counterpart, Mariota's arrival has turned Tennessee from a wildly mediocre franchise to a less mediocre franchise. A 10 is fair for now, but he could become a Jack or Queen depending on his health. He will win you meaningless games for the time being. 10 Of Diamonds

Andy Dalton (Cincinnati Bengals) - Andy Dalton is the NFL's poster boy of doing all the right things during the regular season, but short-circuiting in the playoffs. If he played anywhere else, he would have been benched in his 2nd year, but thanks to his supporting cast, he's managed to bring QB stability for a city who can care less. He's a 10 Of Spades, only because of AJ Green, who has kept Dalton at QB since their arrival. The Bengals will make the playoffs, but no one trusts them to win with Dalton at QB.

Jacks

Kirk Cousins (Washington Racists) - My QB. A QB who can't win against good teams (3-17 since 2015) and looks competent against bad teams. He's a Jack. He can win you some books if you play your cards right, but if you try to hold him, you'll get eaten up by Kings/Queens/Aces. Jack Of Clubs


Carson Palmer (Arizona Cardinals) - On paper, Palmer has had King talent from the day he was drafted #1 overall. Inconsistent play as well as injuries in general have reduced his ranking over the years. He's a Jack because like Cousins, he'll beat bad teams, but can you trust him to beat good teams? Jack Of Hearts


Jared Goff (LA Rams) - Last year's #1 draft pick went from looking like Jeff Fisher's motivational speeches to possibly the MVP of the league. With new coach Sean McVay at the helm, he has completely lived up to expectations lofted upon him out of college. BUT, it may be too early to anoint him as a Queen/King/Ace two seasons in. Jack of Diamonds

Derek Carr (Oakland Raiders) - I remember when the Raiders meant something in the NFL. Before his arrival, the Raiders were as irrelevant as Iggy Azelea for the last 15 years. An All-Pro in his 2nd season, Carr may be a King or Ace one day, but the Raiders have looked inconsistent all season. His WRs drop more balls than Republicans do to health-care reform. But if the Raiders can get it together? Jack Of Spades

Queens 

Alex Smith (Kansas City Chiefs) - Captain Checkdown aka Alex Smith has a very strange career. Failed to live up to expectations in the midst of franchise instability, and didn't look like a pro QB until Jim Harbaugh came into the picture. Gets traded to KC, and under Andy Reid looks like he's finally living up to potential. He's consistent, plays safe, and is athletic enough to be a Super Bowl winning QB. He can outduel Jacks, Queens, and even Kings/Aces on occasion. But, you can't discredit his past. Queen of Hearts 


Matthew Stafford (Detroit Lions) - I don't think we give Matt Stafford enough credit for being an slightly above-average QB on a cursed football team. The highest paid player in the League has more 4th Q comebacks in the last two years than anyone. He has all the attributes and talent to be elite. He's paid like he's elite. He can compete with the elite. But can you trust him in the playoffs? Until that happens. Queen of Diamonds


Carson Wentz (Philadelphia Eagles) - Wentz had plenty of skeptics coming out of North Dakota State. We saw flashes of his talent early in his rookie season. But this season, he's looking like the second coming of Aaron Rodgers. The Eagles are loaded with talent and are the best team in the L (as of now). Wentz looks the part, and we will be able to place him among Kings and possibly the Aces one day. Queen of Clubs. 


Dak Prescott - (Dallas Cowboys) - The Cowboys finally have stability at the QB position. Prescott has taken the foundation Tony Romo built and ascended to the elite QBs of the NFL. If you watched Dak in college, you knew he was special, and the Cowboys will be relevant for the next 10 years because of him. As long as he plays for the Cowboys, they will make sure he has enough talent around him to win every year. Queen of Spades. 

Kings

Cam Newton (Carolina Panthers) - Cam Newton's NFL career is a rollercoaster ride. He either looks like an MVP on some days and a bust on other days. He's always the best athlete on the field as well as the biggest athlete on the field. Despite Carolina literally running him in the ground and not surrounding him with enough talent, his talent transcends the franchise. King of Diamonds

Matt Ryan (Atlanta Falcons) - I struggled with this ranking. He's the reigning MVP, and has the stats and winning to back it up. He was an offensive coordinator away from winning a Super Bowl. But because he plays for the Falcons, a snake-bitten franchise who finds inexplicable ways to lose, we can never fully trust him. Sure he's a King of Clubs, but man, I feel like a 10 or Jack of Spades can take him out at any moment. King of Clubs

Philip Rivers (Los Angeles Chargers) - I didn't struggle with this one. Like Matt Ryan, Philip Rivers is a HOF QB with the stats to match. While the Chargers are not entirely snakebitten like the Falcons, they are so hapless. The Chargers are notorious under-acheivers, and have wasted Rivers' prime years. Granted they were against the ascension of Tom Brady, but it's hard to pin all of the Chargers franchise woes on Rivers. King of Hearts.

Russell Wilson (Seattle Seahawks) - If he was 6'4", he would be an Ace. Plain and simple. Russell Wilson pound for pound is the best QB in the NFL. The offense literally is him scrambling and finding passing lanes while avoiding contact better than anyone in the NFL. He's also a walking Banana Republic ad to the media. Once Brady or Brees retires, he will easily be elected to the Aces. King of Spades isn't a bad consolation prize.

Aces 

Ben Roethlisberger (Pittsburgh Steelers) - Big Ben is as tough as any QB in the league. Ben certainly has the resume of being an Ace among Kings. Two-time winning Super Bowl QB. 70% winning percentage in his entire career. Always among the highest-rated passers in the L. 13 seasons as the franchise QB. Ace of Hearts

Drew Brees (New Orleans Saints) - I remember Drew Brees on the Chargers, and thought why (despite his bum shoulder) would they let this guy walk. Brees is arguably the greatest free agent singing in NFL history. He can out-duel anyone, and will eventually break every passing record once he retires. He's kept the Saints relevant and competitive despite not having a great defense to match his prolific passing ability. Ace of Diamonds. 

Tom Brady - (New England Patriots) - Terrific Tom can be considered the greatest QB of all-time. I'm not going to run down his resume or stats. He has everything. The ONLY reason he's an Ace of Clubs and not an Ace of Spades is that a ton of his credit goes to his coach Bill Belichek. It's not a knock on him per say, but I feel like if you remove the coach, you might get a King or Queen of a QB. Ace of Clubs. 

Aaron Rodgers (Green Bay Packers ) - The best QB I've ever seen play football. No one makes QBing in the NFL look easier than Aaron Rodgers. His talent and football IQ is nearly unmatched, and his teams are always competitive despite injuries and lack of free agent talent around him. If you put Rodgers up against anyone, you always feel like the Packers have a good chance of winning. Especially at home. Ace of Spades.

Jokers 

Eli Manning (New York Giants) - There's not a 2-time winning QB on the planet I trust less than Eli Manning. Eli is the poster-child of inconsistency in the NFL despite having great offensive talent around him. But on a good day, Eli can beat an Ace under the most intense situations. Those two SB rings came against Tom Brady and the Patriots.

Joe Flacco (Baltimore Ravens) - A poor man's Ben Roethisberger. Is Joe Flacco elite? Not really. Is he bad? Not really. If you ask anyone what does Joe Flacco does very well, you'll either get a variety of answers, or no answers at all. Despite having one of the best runs to the Super Bowl, no one trusts Joe Flacco until you are forced  to trust him. And in those circumstances....you never know what you'll get.


Dictated, not read

Lee

Top 5 U.S. Presidents Who Literally Legislated White Supremacy

This is clearly Wale's fault by the way. 

The United States has a dreadful history full of examples of enacting white supremacist policies, alienating minorities, women, and K. Michelle fans. Throughout history, U.S. Presidents have repeatedly beckoned and compromised to their political base to maintain the proper oligarchy that is, white supremacy. It may not be overt like a David Duke dinner party, but for years, legislation has been enacted to disenfranchise EVERY single minority for hundreds of years.

For the sake of this blog, I won't simply hold U.S. Presidents owning slaves sorely as an act of white supremacy, because that was clearly of the norm for wealthy white men of that time. Many Presidents freed slaves after their deaths (John and John Quincy Adams are the only Presidents before Civil War who didn't own slaves), willed them money/land, and expressed regret for contributing to the practice. But there was a entire fucking Congressional gag order in 1836 that banned politicians from talking about slavery reforms in Congressional hearings. 

President Donald "I've been sued 134 times in 7 months" Trump has recently endorsed a specific minority immigration ban targeting people of Arab descent, literally justified Neo-Nazi behavior in a protest they started, been reluctant to denounce white supremacist leaders while appointing them to office, and tasked Mexico to build a wall that we are going to pay for. His xenophobia knows no bounds. blah blah blah

dude, where is Jared Kushner right now? 

It's okay. I have Donald Trump fatigue too. I won't burden your time with how his Presidency is going thus far. BUT

I am looking for some kind of historical precedent that links Trump's radical white supremacist exclusionary  behavior to past U.S. Presidents. Surely there's been a precedent set by past U.S. Presidents that would explain why the U.S. is slow to take up on this kind of behavior. Right? I mean, we can't solely blame the lack of progress solely on angry white Southern men with misplaced anger and bad breath. 

Right? 

Well, let's take a look.. 

                                              

Andrew Johnson

Crime: Undoing Lincoln's policies, vetoing an amendment to grant voting rights to free black slave men after the Civil War.  

Justification: Like, only 11 states out of 36 would benefit from it, angering his white Southern voting base. 

Andrew Johnson is considered by most historians as the worst President of all time. After becoming President upon Abraham Lincoln's assassination, Johnson had the difficult task of enacting Reconstruction with the recently defeated Southern states. Though he was Republican (which was the progressive party of its era), his party expected him to provide civil rights to freed slaves as full citizens with voting rights. Trying to appease his Southern voters, he vetoed a bill protecting their full rights because he felt that only 11 states had actual congressional representation at the time. Problem? Congress overrode the veto, which has only been done TWICE in U.S. history. This eventually led to his impeachment, and unpopularity among his peers, except (yup, you guessed it) White Southerns, who elected Johnson back to the Senate in Tennessee after he was almost impeached. This led to the reversal of black men appointed to Congressional positions, the rise of Jim Crow, and conditions for newly freed slaves to remain terrible for years to come. 

Woodrow Wilson

Crime: Enacting segregation policies, supporting black intellectual inferiority

Justification: Segregation is for your own good

Woody Wilson was among the most intellectually sound U.S. Presidents of his time. Guiding the U.S. through World War I granted his Presidency enormous popularity. Hell, he won a Nobel Peace Prize.  Wilson prided himself on being an intellectual, and being the 2nd Democratic President since the Civil War. But as far as racial relations? Bruh

As President of Princeton University, he strongly discouraged blacks from applying there, citing their safety. He attended the film debut of the KKK's "The Birth Of A Nation." He replaced many black congressional leaders with white ones. He banned the Japanese from owning land in the states. His views on segregation? "Segregation is not a humiliation but a benefit, and ought to be so regarded by you gentlemen"....yup, this has angry White southern men written all over it (He was born in Virginia). He refused to fund federal anti-lynching laws at a time where blacks were being lynched in record numbers, because Congress was so gotdamn racist back then, he knew it wouldn't pass. Side note, he also enacted Prohibition, giving rise to the Mafia for years to come. Fuck him. 

Thomas Jefferson

Crime: Owning more slaves than anyone despite legislating policies banning it

Justification: Brown sugar aka my sons and daughters are bi-racial!! (allegedly) 

Thomas Jefferson is arguably the most influential founding father of U.S. History. Writer of the Declaration of Independence and many other constitutional laws, Jefferson's legacy among historians is polarizing. While banning the Atlantic slave trade by 1818, Jefferson owned more slaves than any other President in history. He went to great lengths to suppress slavery in new territories,  The whole 3/5th of a human thingy came directly from Jefferson's views on black inferiority. Perhaps spooked by the Haitian Revolution of 1794, Jefferson remained publicly silent on slavery throughout his Presidency, and continued to enforce black codes despite having remotely progressive views on slavery. His lengthy affair with his slave Sally Hemmings is well-documented, and literally has black descendants to this day with his DNA. Hell, he ONLY freed her sons/daughters when he passed away. Though he was aware of the North-South rift that would eventually lead to the Civil War, we can't put this entirely on angry White southerners. Entirely.  

Andrew Jackson  

Crime: Literally removing Indians from their homelands by military force

Justification: Andrew Jackson is a fucking psycho

If you're looking for some type of precedent to link Donald Trump to past Presidents, look no further than Andrew Jackson. A tyrant, war hero, and all-around psycho, Jackson's historical reputation is polarizing. Like Trump, he wanted to ban the Electoral College. He shut down the Federal Reserve. He shot people in duels while in office. He owned up to 300 slaves. His only regret in life is that he didn't kill Henry Clay and John Calhoun. He oddly also had adopted Native American children. Weird. 

In 1830, probably as a result of his experiences with the Seminole Wars, he enacted the Indian Removal Act, removing native tribes from their homelands for settlers moving westward. He's responsible for the Cherokee Trail of Tears, and setting a governmental precedent that saw native tribes lose their lands for many years to come. This only benefited white Southerners, looking to settle in fertile plantation grounds, and western settlers looking to establish a new life. These acts literally wiped out numerous native American tribes who didn't comply. So, yeah. Score: Angry White Southerns. 

Grover Cleveland  

Crime: Banning Chinese immigrants from the the U.S. until 1943

Justification: not willing to assimilate to white cultural standards

Grover Cleveland remains as the only President to be elected in two non-consecutive terms. A jolly looking man who married a woman 28 years younger than him, and possibly having a baby mama committed to a mental institution, he's on this list for enacting a strange yet controversial act. 

The Chinese began immigrating to the U.S. in the early 1850s, seeking opportunities for jobs working as day laborers and railroad workers. This outraged white railroad workers, which enabled Congress to enacted a ban on incoming Chinese immigrants (leaving 30,000 stranded). Cleveland believe the Chinese would never integrate into white society, thus enforcing the Chinese Exclusion Act. The Chinese were forced to either leave, or fight the courts via appeals, which they did until 1943. White Southerners were literally the cause of this, citing that Reconstruction had failed them (you could argue that this is true), and cited that the Chinese were TAKIN OUR JOBS ERR DUH AND TAKING OUR COUNTREE ERR DUH when they moved westward. 

See the pattern since 17 fucking 94? Angry white southerners in and out of Congress have led to literally holding back racial progress from all minority groups therefore getting in the way of America being great. And I didn't even include Latinos (TWO Mexican wars, stealing Texas), Irish (People paying to send an Irishman to war instead of them in the Civil War), Italians (temporary immigration bans, were counted as black citizens until the 1900s) and Pacific Islanders (You think Hawaii just let us make them a state?)

There you have it. 

Dictated not read

- Lee

SOURCES: hella wikipedia breh

Five US Presidents As Corrupt And Scandalous As Donald Trump

Donald J. Trump. The world's richest 2nd grade bully is currently the President-elect of these United *cough* States of America. I could go on a diatribe about his lack of character, his comments about every ethnic group represented by the Olympics, or his well-documented financial controversies. That shit is boring yo. 

All signs point to Trump's Presidency to becoming the most corrupt administrations of our lifetime. We literally elected a man who only wanted to be President last year. A President who "pretended" to run for President three times already. Despite his shortcomings, hair and temperament, he's "possibly" not the most corrupt person to hold the Presidency. 

There's skepticism in anyone who raises hundreds of millions of dollars to hold a job that pays 400K a year. Tons of legitimate and illegitimate deals and agreements have to be made in order for anyone to propel themselves to the Presidency. You have to hire friends, and enemies in order to maintain an unhealthy balance of law and order in politics. 

U.S history has a laundry list of Presidential failures. Our country is still faced with ramifications based on the mistakes past Presidents made. Corruption and politicians go together like a Kardashian and a black celebrity. We've had Presidents resign in disgrace, Presidents impeached, and multiple Presidents assassinated. This job sucks and no one should want to be blamed for every little thing for 4 calendar years. 

Trump may be a walking 4th grade sociopath, but let's examine the five most corrupt U.S Presidents in comparison...

Andrew Johnson - the man who took over arguably the most important U.S. President in American History. Andrew Johnson was essentially picked by Lincoln to win support in the Southern states before the Civil War launched. Johnson was a former slave-owner who still held views of black inferiority. His best friend was John C. Calhoun, the worst human being in U.S. history. His racist views were so harsh that Congress had to override his veto, and pass the 14th Amendment just to protect blacks' citizenship rights. Doesn't necessarily make him corrupt, but he did stand trial for impeachment for trying to remove his Secretary of War. He is considered the worst U.S. President in history by many historians. 

Warren G. Harding - If you're a fan of the HBO series Boardwalk Empire, you saw first-hand how corrupt Warren G. Harding's Presidential election was per the "Ohio Gang" series. His public and political life was marred with scandals. He had a baby out of wedlock while he was in office. He literally appointed bootleggers and criminals to prominent positions. After his sudden death in 1923, his wife burned all his papers in hopes of preserving his legacy. The Teapot Dome scandal secured his place as among the worst Presidents in U.S. History.

 

Ulysses S. Grant - War hero? Check. Civil Rights champion? Check. Gambler? Check. Alcoholic? Check. Grant had the classic pedigree of war hero becoming President. He inherited a country trying to recover from civil war, and by most historians, did a great job considering the circumstances. Corrupt? Oddly enough, he has more Presidential scandals under his belt than any other President in U.S History!! (There's literally an entire wikipedia page on this)  Like Harding, Grant appointed some shady mofos, and his cabinet was marred by bribes, tax evasion, and embezzlement. Mark Twain called his era the "Gilded Age", marking his era of wealth and growth in the U.S. marred by scandals. Grant left office broke and in serious debt. 

Ronald Reagan - ohhhh noooo!! Not the precious right-wing conservative hero!!! Not the man that tripled the national debt. Not the man who's daughter wrote a tell-all book about his scandalous ways!! Oh noooooo. 

Yes. THAT Ronald Reagan. The presidency of Ronald Reagan in the United States was marked by multiple scandals, resulting in the investigation, indictment, or conviction of over 138 administration officials, the largest number for any U.S. president!! And y'all are worried about Trump. Not to mention the whole Iran-Contra affair that we are STILL paying the ramifications of to this day. The FX series "Archer" actually had a hilarious 3-series episode based on this affair, except the country is San Marcos instead of Nicaragua. 

Lauryn Hill - you know I wanna do it. But I won't 

Richard Nixon - Mr. Watergate himself. We don't need to go too much into detail. Nixon is literally the face of the corrupt politicians. His nickname is literally Tricky Dick. His Presidency is heralded by historians as the most corrupt administration in U.S. History. 

With Mr. Trump headed toward impeachment the Presidency, he has a low bar to get over if he wants to be a successful President. His rumored hirings aren't very encouraging, and considering his lack of preparation as a politician, our skepticism as a country is well-earned. 

Honorable mention goes to George W. Bush. He's lucky he's now a lovable loser now. Or else, he would be #1 on this list. 

Dictated not read 

Lee 

Top Ten Most Misbehaved White House Kids of All-Time

Let's face it.

You've probably never met a well-behaved kid named Connor, Hunter, or Ethan. Hell, naming your kid after yourself (Jr.) raises a child's Madden delinquency rating by 50.

Let's face it. Parenting is a difficult and thankless job. It's like doing extra-credit at Devry. It's a job that saps whatever mental fortitude you have left from being yelled at for 10 hours. You help with homework. You do chores and yell orders at your kids in hopes they turn out better than Joseline Hernandez. You sacrifice. Pay bills. All in efforts to provide a path of success and prosperity for your children. 

Enter the President of the United States (POTUS). The toughest 250K job in the world. The only job where you have to raise millions of dollars and endure a 2-4 year public job interview. The job where your words can send millions of people hope, despair, or Taco Bell coupons. You work 16 hours a day and get your day off criticized by the media because LORD KNOWS taking a break from leading the free world will inspire the terrorists. To compound that, the POTUS has a family to attend to just like Jon and Kate plus 8.  

The trend we see with most successful people in this country, chasing success can often lead to neglecting family obligations and duties. Thus, leaving their children in an often rebellious and resentful state of mind. 

Recently, Malia Obama was caught on camera smoking marijuana, which is like a 6 on the conservative "NOT IN MY HOUSE" douchebag terror alert. I don't have time for a weed debate, but if the media is about to make this Malia Obama non-issue an issue, let's examine legendary White House problem children and see if Malia holds a candle to them in the misbehaving playing field....

10. Lucy Johnson - Daughter of Lyndon B Johnson. Currently a very successful business woman and public servant, Lucy Johnson had a sleepover with a friend and wanted to light up the fireplace. Problem is, neither of them knew how, and in moments nearly burned down the Executive Mansion near the White House. Nobody was hurt or injured.

9. Robert Lincoln - Oldest son of Honest Abe, Robert followed in the footsteps of failing upward like Lane Kiffin. Besides having an mentally ill mother, losing 3 brothers to death before 18, and publicly acknowledging the lack of a father figure in the household, he was doomed to fail, even as the President's son.  Bob and his brothers regularly trashed the White House, and drove the White House staff crazy. Robert had flunked out of school numerous times as a kid. He tried to get into Harvard and failed 13 out of 16 subjects on the test. Not exactly misbehaving royalty, as he became a very successful politician and astronomer considering the circumstances. 

8. The Garfield Boys - POTUS James Garfield had 7 kids. Garfield was a President who enjoyed the White House and with his own kids, played numerous pranks and practical jokes on the entire White House staff. It got to a point where one journalist from the Seattle Star called his kids "holy terrors". The Washington Post in 2012 called his kids the "the worst". 

7. George Washington Adams - Oldest son of John Quincy Adams. Like his father and his astronomical high expectations for John Quincy, Johnny Q had the same expectations for George. Unfortunately he suffered with depression and alcoholism, not to mention womanizing. He was described as a very troubled paranoid youth.  He committed suicide in 1829, while his Pops was in office by jumping off a bridge into the Benjamin Franklin river. Whet? 

 

6.- Amy and Jack Carter were millennials at a time where disco and party culture became a mainstream phenomenon. Jack Carter regularly hung out with Willie Nelson, flunked out of 3 colleges, and was honorably discharged from the Navy for smoking weed. Amy Carter's best friend was Abbie Hoffman, of the Chicago Eight. The FBI has a 13.000 page file on Hoffman alone. Imagine being President, and seeing your daughter participating in sit-ins, protests, and openly being a hippie with a alleged anarchist.  

5. - Son of John Adams, Charles Adams is basically the Freddo of his family. The HBO show "Adams" depicted him as drunken coward compared to his older, more successful brother John Quincy. He struggled with alcohol and was a public drunk. Sadly he died at the age of 30 of alcoholism, while his father was in office. 

4. - Daughter of Teddy Roosevelt, and the most interesting and fascinating person on this list. There aren't enough words to describe the awesomeness of Alice Roosevelt, so I'll do it in bullet-points. 

- wore "pants" in public

- drag racing her car down DC streets

- gambled on horse-racing with her Dad's money

- "ran amuck with gentlemen weekly"

- kept a pet snake that she would use to...get her way with people

- smoked cigarettes in public 

- blackmailed her step-mother to get out of going to boarding school

- partied harder than the Rolling Stones

Please read about Alice Roosevelt. 

3. Bush Girls - Their partying ways and underage drinking escapades have been known publicly for a long time. Just imagine if they had IG/Facebook back when they were tearing up the city. Put it this way: their nickname from the New York Post was "Jenna Tonic'....adsfijalfjasdfa

2. Patti Reagan - Patti disagreed with her father's politics vehemently. How far did she go? She wrote two books revealing all the dirty laundry about her family while he was in office. She struggled with coke addiction, openly admitted to have sex in the Oval Office, and an early supporter of LGBT rights in the 80s. To "top" if off, she posed for Playboy in 1994. She later changed her last name to distance herself from the Reagan name. 

1, George W Bush - You forget that his Dad was President, so technically he's on this list. He wins this list by default. It's clear as day his childhood upbringing was a precursor to becoming arguably one of the worst Presidents of the last 50 years. I would further divulge, but hell, I ain't getting paid for this. 

Lay off Malia Obama. She is exceeding expectations if we're being honest

SOURCES - http://www.rantpolitical.com/2015/07/07/10-white-house-kids-who-misbehaved/

http://www.vanityfair.com/news/2013/12/sunny-obama-knocks-down-girl-video

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/12/25/nyregion/when-a-politicians-child-goes-astray.html?_r=0

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2014/12/01/the-long-and-fraught-history-of-judging-the-presidents-kids/

And a little bit of Wikipedia. Hey, it's a blog, not a college essay

Dictated not read. 

Why There Is Not A White History Month?

Let's be real. The notion of why we do not have a white history month is incredibly silly and atrocious from a moral standpoint. Often times when asked why we don't have White History Month, it normally comes from a place of ignorance. The most common way I've seen minorities dispel this notion is to argue is that white people have the other 11 months of the year (and own the universe)

But I had to ask myself....

Do they really have the other 11 months to celebrate their heritage? 

The straw-man argument is that white people "own everything" and "built the country on the minorities back" and "Robin Thicke is the greatest soul singer of all-time". But those arguments are lazy and require a lot of historical context I do not care to get involved in right now. 

But really, why isn't there a White History Month? TELL ME IYLANA. 

It's all quite simple. There simply not enough room on the calendar to celebrate it.  

.............................................................

.........................................

Shut up Lee. Stop trolling. You are an idiot are probably what you are thinking right now. It's OK. 

But seriously, let's take a look at the months and see where we can fit White History Month... 

January? - nope, can't have it there. MLK Day, New Years Eve. Would be disingenuous to do so. 

February? - ummmmm -___-

March? - Nope. March is Women's History Month. And they weren't even acknowledge as citizens until the 1920s in this great country. The Irish do have St. Patrick's Day, but Irish were counted as blacks until the early 1900s. True story. Can't do it. 

April? - Nope. National Autism Month. And you gotta be a real tool to trump that by having your own month. BUTTTTT, its also Confederate History Month!!! DING DING DING. RITE POW. 

Well, the heritage of the Confederate only speaks to a particular region in the states, and simply doesn't represent the entire view of diaspora white America. They aren't doing Civil War re-enactments in New York and Oregon. It was worth a shot April.  

May? - Mother's Day and Memorial Day. Busy month as is. Too risky to celebrate any race on this month. Or to take any attention away from Mothers. 

June? - Maybe 10-15 years ago. But June is National LGBT Month. Can't do it anymore. 

July? - Technically, you can. July 4th is Independence Day and celebrates all of the accomplishments of our founding fathers. But, celebrating a White History Month on top of I-Day...mannn...kinda risky. 

August - The most boring month ever. Surely there can't be anything to celebrate in August, right? 

August is known as "Bizarre Holiday Month." What kind of holidays are celebrated? 

• Admit You're Happy Month
• Family Fun Month
• National Catfish Month
• National Eye Exam Month
• National Golf Month
• Peach Month
• Romance Awareness Month
• Water Quality Month
• National Picnic Month

Meh. Weirdosssss

September? - Hispanic Heritage Month starting Sept 15th. Sorry Arizona legislation. It's recognized by Congress too. 

October? - Bad month bro. Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Filpino American Heritage Month. Also, in England, they celebrate Black History Month in October. We COULD stick it to cancer awareness, Manny Paciquao, and the Brits on this one, but let's leave it alone for now. 

November? - The month of Veterans Day and Thanksgiving, which basically celebrates genocide of a nation. Speaking of nations,  Native American Heritage Month is in November as well. Not happening. 

December - The month of holidays galore. It would be hard to sell to your kid, "hey, I know its almost Christmas/Hanukkah, but remember, it's WHITE History Month. See the snow? Yes?" 

Nah.

So there you have it. Next time someone asks you why there isn't a White History Month, simply refer them to this blog, and it will make sense. It's not that we don't want to celebrate whites' achievements, as inflammatory as the consequences may be. There's nothing terribly wrong about having pride in your heritage. It's nearly impossible to moralize any race's heritage without pointing out some shameful moments. 

But overall, there's no room on the calendar. But there is one more alternative to this. 

We can simply blame Wale and move on. Not too much context needed, but if there's anyone to blame, it's him. 

Dictated not read.

Lee 

Follow me on twitter @leetreble_